Joyful Liberation

Joyful Liberation

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Waiting to Exhale

It has been 9 long weeks in the NICU but we are finally home.  I can only describe it as a feeling of waiting to exhale.  I have seriously been holding my breath for 2 months....

When I found out I was pregnant and they told me my EDD was August 29th, in my mind I thought, no it is August 18th.  But I quickly dismissed that thought as none of my kids have ever come "early". In fact, my kids like to hang out for weeks past those EDD.  But throughout my pregnancy, August 18th kept coming up. I guess I already knew that was the day we would be home together. I just didn't know the journey that we would take to get here.  It is impossible to know if I had been able to stay pregnant when he would have come. Estimated due dates are just that, estimated.  But, for now we will consider August 29th to be 40 weeks and go from there. In a few months it won't matter. Rowan will catch up to his actual due date. All this actual age and adjusted age stuff is so confusing.
hee long crib and pacifier :) you served us well but we are moving on to a better life...

It has been a journey to get here.  We have learned so much from Rowan and will continue to learn new things.  The next 2 years of his life are a window to catch up on what he missed out on in the womb. Good nutrition is at the forefront but so is protecting him from illness.  That one is going to be the hardest for me as I like to go out and do things. It will depend on the activity but definitely nothing with crowds. We will also have more doctor appointments in the next 2 years for Rowan than all of my other kids have had in their lives combined! That one I am not looking forward to. We have had one pediatrician appointment and have decided he is not a good fit for us. We have an appointment with a new guy next week...hopefully he will be more respectful of our choices.
Rowan doing his car seat test...making sure he can breathe :)

For the next few weeks we are in our much awaited babymoon.  David gets 2 weeks paternity leave  and he will be home and we will be hibernating! Aspen is coming home in a couple of weeks and we will all just be for a while.
Ready to take flight in my owl cap grom Becca...aka GamGam

Now that Rowan is home and I can breathe I am a little scared of post traumatic stress.  Apparently it is really common in parents who have had a baby in the nicu.  I am watching myself, and David...and my kids too for that matter.  No one really knows what our family has been through over the past 2 months.  There are no words to even begin to describe it.  In the end, you find strength in the positive and you have to keep moving forward or you will collapse from the stress and frustration. The nicu experience is not one that I ever want to have again. 
goodbye disposables...hello soft cotton and wool...

They told me in the nicu that Rowan will not remember any of what he went through there but that we will remember it all.  I am not sure I believe them, but I can only hope they are right for Rowan's sake. This was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I am lucky though,  I have great support from friends and family and I have the most adorable little boy in the world to show for it.  He is healthy and happy and we are moving forward. We have to slowly come off his 1/16 oxygen flow and he will have to have surgery for 2 hernias :( We meet with the surgeon next week.  Supposedly it is a quick fix and it is outpatient. I can't imagine being away from him again but those hernias need repair.  I will be so glad when it is all over.... but for now we are home, I can finally breathe and that is all that matters....

life is good...


Jen said...

Hi Teri,

It's Jen from the NICU! So glad you are home! I have missed our chats though. :) I was so happy to hear about Rowan's quick turn around. I know it was because he was able to breastfeed so much! I hope his stomach is happier now he is home. Give him a love from me.
Good luck! Jen

Teri said...

Jen! So great to hear from you :) Rowan is doing so great!! Home has been good for us all. He is a nursing pro and we never looked back once we got home. He is a happy, sweet little guy. We have his hernia surgery on the 17th and hopefully all will go well with that. Thank you so much for your support and all of the great chats :) We could not have made it through without you! Love, Teri

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I am a mom to 5 amazing kids and married to my best friend and love of my life. We co-habitate with 1 cat, Asha, 2 dogs, Maggie May and Juniper Wren, a Chinchilla names Ozwald, and a Hamster named Fat Panda. We have lived in Salt Lake City for 13 years by way of Tennessee and Oregon. I love to be with my kids, knit, run, craft, sew, paint,travel, hike and play :) I love our crazy life!