Joyful Liberation

Joyful Liberation

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Consequences

So, I debated whether or not I would post about our latest adventure here but I decided that I should due to some recent events.

It came to our attention last week, that one of our lovely children had been doing some things that were totally unexpected and unacceptable.

It also came to my attention that several people (maybe more than I know) assume that because my children are unschooled/free learners...whatever you want to call it, that they are also allowed to do whatever they feel like, have no rules..no boundaries...just living "Lord of the Flies" style and I felt that I should post about recent events to show that is not the case.

We have always used the "natural consequence" form of sentencing when it comes to our children doing things that they really should not be doing. I will say, I have been very lucky. I have 3 teenagers and have not lived through the teenage hell that I hear people talk about. Sure, they have attitudes and mouths and their have been moments that I would rather not experience but I would take that any day over what some people go through.

I will not give details on who and what as I don't want to mortify this child anymore than they have already done but I will tell you the consequences of their actions.

1. no friends over for play/sleepovers until......????
2. no computer taken out of public areas of the home EVER( not that this is new just reinforced)
3. use of cell phone limited to 911, me, David and permission based calls only
4. do jobs on list that equal the monetary amount to fix broken item
5. loss of preferred bedroom in the house
6. loss of privileges to go anywhere without a parent or other adult until..????
7. must attend certain classes within the next few weeks

Boundaries are a good thing. When they are crossed their are consequences. Even as adults we have boundaries. Why would someone assume we have no boundaries? People that know me well, know I am a pretty strict mom. You are probably wondering what the hell this child did to warrant 7 sentences but believe me, they are all 100% natural consequences to the actions.

This has been a HUGE lesson for David and I. Not to mention, said child but our others as well and all of the friends involved (who also have their own sentencing to live out) We are very lucky to have a close community of friends who are all involved in supporting the kids through this. All I can say is never say never because if you do it will come and get you. LOL

Believe me, I have had many sleepless nights, thoughts of I am doing too much and thoughts of I am not doing enough, thoughts of military school (REALLY) and just all around second guessing myself.

Sometimes parenting really sucks....

I have to say, I am very proud of this child for being honest when it came time. That was huge. I am also proud of this child's attitude about the consequences and the help in choosing them. I am also happy to see all the good that this event has brought out, not only in our family but in others too.

Learning from your mistakes is the only way to move forward, sometimes it is harder than others....

Sego Lily has also been instrumental in modeling the sentencing we do at home. At school, if you do something that breaks a school rule, or something that someone else finds wrong you can be written up. This can be done by another student or facilitator. Then, it is brought to the judicial committee made up of a couple of students and a facilitator. You and said accuser are given a chance to talk things out and if a middle ground cannot be found then the judicial committee hands out a sentence.

Now, this is a great way for the kids to work through issues and we have always done this. But, what I have come to realize is that some people don't know that in our home, if Mom or Dad say "______" then it is the last word and that is it. That is called being a parent. It is not always fun but hey, it is my job.

2 comments:

Stephanie said...

I'm with ya. :)
Sometimes no doubt I say "_____" too much, (it's that bossy nature of mine) :/, but I haven't got a problem with it for the most part.

I'm glad you guys are working through it (babe included) well-ly.

Melissia said...

Teri,
I am so glad that you have the relationship with your kids that you and Dave do. Otherwise, who knows when or if you would have even known what was going on. I have really come to a place of peace with regards to parental power. The thing is, some behavior is clearly unacceptable and has to be addressed. We have really been working on the boundaries in our home and I have to say everyone is much happier than we were. Much love and peace to you and your great kiddos. :)
Melissia

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I am a mom to 5 amazing kids and married to my best friend and love of my life. We co-habitate with 1 cat, Asha, 2 dogs, Maggie May and Juniper Wren, a Chinchilla names Ozwald, and a Hamster named Fat Panda. We have lived in Salt Lake City for 13 years by way of Tennessee and Oregon. I love to be with my kids, knit, run, craft, sew, paint,travel, hike and play :) I love our crazy life!